018: Alex: Adoption Can Go Smoothly

Alex is a single-mother-by-choice who decided to take the adoption route to build her family. She tells me about how she educated herself on the process and how she conquered the emotional hurdles. As well as the stigma of being a single woman wanting to adopt.

Alex was in her 30s when she decided to pursue adoption. She spoke to agencies and dove into the research process to really find the option that best fit her.  She has some insight on what she found out about international adoption versus domestic and why she decided domestic was her best path. She also shares how she found an adoption attorney that not only looked out for her best interests but also the birth mother’s as well. She is very open about the process and really advocates for private adoption.

Alex’s adoption process is what is known as an “open adoption,” which means the child is aware of their biological family and has access to them. Alex is very honest about the initial fear of including the birth mother in their life but is happy to say now she welcomes the diversity of her family. We discuss the concept of a “family constellation” rather than a “family tree.”

Not many people are as open about the adoption process as Alex is, so I think today’s episode is very insightful and encouraging.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

• Alex’s early ideas of motherhood and family.
• Why adoption was the best path for her.
• How Alex educated herself on the adoption process.
• Why an adoption attorney was a game changer.
• The differences between international adoption and domestic adoption.
• Alex’s relationship with her daughter’s birth mother and extended family.
• How she keeps the door of communication open for her daughter.
• How to build a “family constellation.”
• How Alex explains her family to her daughter, and the terms “biological mother” and “real mom.”
• The importance of both biology and nurture regarding raising a child.
• What Alex would have done differently in hindsight.
• Her advice to other women considering her path and the single-mother-by-choice option.

Resources

David Radis, Adoption Attorney

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Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

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Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Quotes

"Anybody who wants to love my daughter is welcome. I'm not going to draw a line and say, oh no, I don't want you to have a loving relationship with her because I'm the mom, you're not the mom." -- Alex

"In the beginning, while I was open and I was sending photos to her birth mom, I was more hesitant than I am now because I needed to find my way and my role as a mother." -- Alex

"I had the moment where I thought, I don't want to get married just to get married. I want to be married to someone I want to be with and if that person isn't here right now, then that person isn't here right now." -- Alex